Category: Diary of a Bodhisattva

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Dear Diary; Alive with Aliveness

Rising up to our self requires simply silence – and letting go.

To fully live we let go.

Into meditation and mindfulness, and we remember that we have always been free

But there is no rush

No need to make meditation another thing to do

Simply an orientation

A steady daily practise.

To be quiet and remember who you truly are.

When we are free of the past, and full of presence in the here and now, we can use our conscious mind to its full potential.

Only five or ten percent is generally in use; our actions mainly arising from programming and patterning.

Deep seated beliefs and ideas; stories programmed in, embedded so strongly… Emotional responses coming from a childhood past that some barely remembered…

Never here

Always there.

And so stop

Be still

Be here

Let go of all the thoughts.

Let go

And experience the vastness of the soft milky void of silence, alive with aliveness! 

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Dear Diary; Citius Altius Fortius

It’s nice to sit on the grass alone; in the sun. 

The hum of traffic nearby;

Music too

Pigeons  gathered on the ground under the tree; they know that people are picnicking on their takeaway lunch while drinking their takeaway coffee, and matcha…

Matcha- beyond is just beyond where I am sitting, alone on the grass.

Green cookies, green oats, green grass. Matcha matcha everywhere, and also delicious to drink! ( as long as it’s with honey! 🙂 

What happens when ambition runs out, what happens then…?

What is the point then, when all the enthusiasm to achieve and ‘get there’ is done, finished, its come to the end of its own road?

What then? In this life of upward and onward, bigger and better and further…

This life of Citius altius Fortius, faster higher stronger – a motto created for its moral beauty.

What when morality falls away, and conditioning and control.

What then?

Are we ready to surrender our acts to the divine…?

Anything done with stress about the results is less, than any work done in a state of presence, relaxation, ease.

This truth is a known truth, but a hard one to live in this world of more and more, and then even more.

Stretching for excellence is my understanding of the true beauty of the meaning of Olympic ideal; and this is different to striving from a place of anxiety and stress…

Finding out what is possible without attachment to the outcome, or any ideas that the outcome will somehow make us superior or inferior .

We are inspired when we see someone performing at the highest level, we are often inspired by the beauty and seeming effortlessness of it; the hours and hours and hours of practise distilled into what we are witnessing there in front of us…

Practise with presence

Practise practise practise, and the road never ends; the journey continues.

Ambition transcends itself to become our art in motion; ourselves in motion 

Sharing surrendering silent 

Becoming always from the inside out

Citius Altius Fortius

Even in my case, in the expression of my art – the art of running – as I become slower.

I feel myself to be becoming Citius Altius Fortius in each moment

Here and now

As I sit on the grass in the sun

Surrendering my acts to the divine…

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Dear Diary; Round The Sun

The world keeps turning…

The green parrots keep flying overhead…

The mother with her new baby arrives – she parks his ( how do you know he’s a boy? Anadi asks) little orange pram beside the bench – gets out her phone and starts her routine… First stepping up and down off the bench, then a lunge matrix… she pushes his (‘I just think he’s a he’, I reply) pram to the open grass to do her ‘frog jumps’ and ‘split squats’…

Anadi and I finish our circuit and go over to the small white building to practise our handstands ( ever improving, but still I need the security of the little white building to balance me…!) She is watching and calls out in admiration, whilst pulling her baby from his pram; she takes him over to the bench to sit and feed…

Multi tasking – baby at her breast, her eyes on her phone – mid exercise routine… 

The world keeps turning.

Lapping the park – the familiar figures – we encounter every day.

All of us rising and running at the same time

Each day

Clockwork

Round the park we go

Round the clock we go, following the earth’s rotation each day

Again and again…

Around the sun; a whole year long to journey back to where we first began

Travelling

Very fast 

Sixty seven thousand miles an hour

To return to the starting point and set off once more…

Mirrored in us lapping the park on wheels and on legs

Going nowhere 

Back to the beginning

Travelling ever inwards if we care to look, up and see the bright blue sky of promise

Of infinite space, endless, limitless

Our spirit free

All that we can be

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Dear Diary; Breaking Bread Together

It’s Friday night, and I have a date with my BF (best friend/Boy friend!)

We walk through the park hand in hand, the clouds grey heavy hold a promise of rain, muggy heat, summer night, mid June.

We see others out for Friday night fun, walking talking, some also holding hands…Runners running, sweaty, fast, focused, training hard – go by… And cyclists too, some training, some on their way to a night out…

Like us…

The Pear Tree opened a couple of week ago…

I noticed it as we ran past on our morning run…’Look, look… Anadi look’ I pointed to the ‘We are Open!’ sign on the road…

A scene like a festival beheld us as we arrived, people scattered in twos and threes, six friends meeting – sitting on the grass… A group of guys in suits around a table, three young women occupying another; the new mask under the chin look fashioned by a couple of folk – one supping a pint, the other a cocktail in one hand, and a cigarette in the other…

Everyone else bare faced…

Clusters of people near the pond, standing, some sitting cross legged on the earthy earth; cradling plastic pint mugs, pizza boxes, glasses of wine…

Signage all around… Instructions; the new order…

We joined the queue.

‘It’s all part of it now’ I said ‘The British liking to queue has been taken to another level…

More chatting time with you’, I added…

While Anadi waited for his beer and our pizza, I took my mango lasi and our salad box and set up camp…Throwing my purple – blue gold swirls of colour – yoga mat onto the grass, I sat alone watching people being people – all around me…

Gathering, talking, laughing, eating drinking, being together… 

Communal beings, being, creating a mini community on a Friday night in Battersea park.

And so life goes on…

People adapting adjusting accepting

Carrying on doing what we have always done

Living loving sharing…

Breaking bread together.

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Dear Diary; A Higher Level of Consciousness

If we want to see change in the world…

Our responsibility is to effect and be that change…

Practical implementation, an essential part of that change – of course… But for social transformation, our part is in our own individual transformation…

We must be that change.

By raising our level of consciousness in every moment; moment by moment by moment.

Every single moment, never ceasing in our awareness…

Can we always, with each breath we take, be kind, clear, non reactive –  with the thoughts that flow from us always loving ones… ? If we cannot do this, and often we only have to look across at our own families to find we cannot – then there is work to be done…

As Ram Dass, the spiritual teacher said  ‘ if you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family…’ 

Walking in the park on a lovely sunny evening;  Anadi and I heard two young women – walking too – talking, not very kindly, about another; snippets of conversation… Disregard, dislike distrust often prevalent.

Observation is very different to criticism, and only we truly in hearts know the difference….

For true global evolution, all must be cleansed from within our own hearts…

By going within and not looking out – at the other. ‘Their fault, they are to blame…’

Instead look within…

‘Where am I cutting off love to those in front of me? And so cutting off love to myself’…Our own inner work driving the social change is the change that will change the world. 

Raise consciousness… Deepen the healing

Within

And so without…

Energy playing out, in an ever repeating cycle…

Until we are still; and see beyond the madness of this samsara 

This duality

This dark and light

And find the silence in our hearts; and feel the love which heals the world

Infinite love

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Dear Diary; The Centre Point

I am sitting on a wall on the Kings road watching the people… All the different energies going by and by and by… Some faces are covered by masks…

Two young girls appear with hope and energy and enthusiasm in their step, in their own bubble; together; laughing, in comparison to others who are looking tired and tense… Everyone making their way somewhere…

Moving, breath by breath

Towards the end of this life, the end of this incarnation – when this body will die, and all we know, will be gone. 

Many cling – in fear – to life…

But in fear there is no life.

And in true life, there is no death.

We must die to live

We must die to who we believe we are, to fully live, to grow and flourish in this lifetime…

Which is the seed of the real life. 

The tree

Of life.

But the seed must die, the imagined self, for the tree of life to grow.

A couple are hugging a lot, in the sun, and kissing, and hugging some more, and smiling…They look happy – they don’t look tense or tired. They look to love one another…

Two women speaking in a foreign tongue I don’t recognise, arrive with their little children; glad of the sun and the space to sit and watch while the children play… So that they can talk.

They look at ease too; not tense or worried… In summer dresses – love for their little ones etched in their beings

Love – all there is, infinite love the only truth, where life can blossom in every step of our inevitable journey

As I sit here writing, it flows from within me, from the silence; my mind only being used to form and to type these words, the language of my silence. For silence speaks volumes.

Silence is the only language.

It is the source of truth

The centre point.

The place to live and experience this universe of polarity.

Beyond the duality

The Centre point 

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Dear Diary; Making his Own Way

He stands in his stripy blue yellow and white T shirt

Eating a bun

He walks slowly, exploring, examining the grass under each tiny foot fall – making his way… Unknowingly towards me… He looks up, suddenly – sees me in his pathway and stares, looking a little surprised.

I smile and say, ‘hello’ 

He says nothing, looks straight at me for a little longer and then turns away…To explore more of his terrain, the flower bed nearby.

In his world, his own world

No inhibitions.

A man is walking just behind him, he smiles at me, and they go off together across the park…. The big one and the little one.

The fruit of his loins I guess… Now living and breathing – a separate human.

On his life journey, an arrow from the bow of the big one’s heart…

Off exploring

Eating walking – nearly talking

Making his own way.

We are all responsible for our own way – in the end.

When we’ve worked out our hurt, when we’ve cried and we’ve blamed and railed against those that got it wrong, did us wrong, There comes a time when we’ve cried all the tears, and shouted all the anger, that we can be still

And we can see .

That all along it was us; our reflection staring back… Our wounds to heal; our hurt to mend.

To find who we are

Not

We are not our wounds and our beliefs – our values, our stories;

We are so much more;

Than all this.

While we are here we can experience and live.

We can create and make and love and live and be filled with joy.

We are consciousness, experiencing itself…

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Dear Diary; The Keys to Our Life

We all have the keys to our life…

All we need do is put them in the lock; turn them and the door will open to reveal a completely new landscape. In each moment the past completely vanished, just like the wake of a boat.

When I look back now at my life all I can see if the vast expanse of the ocean.

Of the life force.

Of infinity

Huge vast infinite… Lifetimes upon lifetimes. All happening here and now.

And at the same time all vanished into the no thing ness.

Each moment new, a drop of dew. Shimmering quivering with life. And in each moment limitless possibilities for something different to happen.

I am this moment.

I started writing when I was very small; I have lost the original ‘manuscripts’, but I can remember when I was eight years old I wrote a story about battle.

I wrote about the men praying for the battle to be over, and of their prayers being answered, but not as they might have wished; with an arrow through their heart – and they fell to the earth.

It was over…

I wrote about how if you were to look up there was beauty; sun blue skies, clouds scudding… Branches of trees dancing in the breeze; but then if instead you were to look down you would witness death and bloodshed; dying men and horses screaming in pain.

I wrote of how the battle ended, and the men went home to their families.

There were scenes of great joy and scenes of such sadness – some never returned.

Parting and re uniting all at once.

Life death and re birth.

I wrote about the yin and the yang; the samsara of this universe.

And for over fifty years, I have – in some ways – simply written the same thing;

Over and over again

And I have watched the yin to the yang reflected outwards in my life, as I swung with the polarity of this existence, until I could fully experience the silence beyond the duality, and so help others free themselves from fear.

Fear stops us from truly living and truly loving 

Ourselves 

And others

In perfect love there is no fear

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Dear Diary; The Earth Beneath Our Feet

Sunday morning dawned into a sunny blue grey cloudy bright day …  Anadi and I ran to Battersea Park for the start of another adventure…

We stopped there for a while, and I made a little video about grounding barefoot on the earth.

We are all made up of atoms, the whole universe is…

Nikola Tesla said – “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

In our body there are millions and trillions of these atoms … And every single one of them has a nucleus with protons and neutrons inside it… The protons have a positive electrical charge and the nutrons are neutral.

All around the nucleus there are electrons in equal balance to the protons and nutrons; these electrons have a negative charge – and so the body keeps in perfect balance and is as healthy as can be…

However when electrons break free, then they have a positive charge which now isn’t a good thing! 

They become free radicals, which can damage our cells and contribute to lots of the diseases we know about in today’s society…

In the past we all used to wander about with our feet bare – this kept us connected to the earth’s energy. 

Mother Earth has a negative charge…

But now – in general – we don’t do this anymore. We inhabit homes and offices – and we wear shoes!

There is much research into the positive effects of grounding – it is said that it can help neutralise these free radicals in the body.

Some say that they have noticed positive effects on their sleep, their pain and stress levels from standing with naked feet on the earth…  

For me it is simply a lovely feeling!

It feels free, I feel childlike…I like wearing no shoes, the lightness. The way my feet can move as they wish.

I have less pain in my body – but suspect it is due to the movement of my feet rather than the earthing; but who knows!

But for me it is a lifestyle choice rather than truly motivated by any health benefits.

It is simply a part of my expression

I met a woman in the middle of Richmond park, sometime ago now.

I was running around without any shoes on….She was pushing a pram; I was lost…! She pointed me in the right direction and then asked me about my bare feet…

After I had in essence said;  ‘I love it’…. She said ‘But I love shoes; you probably think that’s bad…’

‘No no’ I said ‘ If you love shoes, that’s a great thing, we all love different things; different things speak to us and express us, and we must honour that…’

We must to our own selves be true.

After making ‘the film ‘ in Battersea Park,  Anadi and I ran to Sloane Square; then a lap of Hyde park – on into Green park and straight down to Buckingham Palace, where we rather incredibly arrived on the dot of 11am…. Time for the changing of the guard…

I was immediately reminded of the poem…

‘They’re changing the guard at Buckingham Palace; Christopher Robin went down with Alice…’I was probably about six, or maybe eight years old the last time I saw this unique, and very British spectacle… And also when I knew more of the words to the poem…!

My little sister Rosy and I ‘did’ all the London sites with our parents, when we were young. There are photos of us at Trafalgar Square covered with the pigeons we were feeding…

Scattered people were watching the scene too, families with small children gathered, cyclists had stopped, runners like us, looking through the bars; listening to the crunch crunch crunch of the soldier’s boots on gravel as he marched and turned, marched and turned again….

All around people making their through the day, slowly or swiftly

All of us together, in the sun… So many lives, so many stories; so may tales to tell…

All united by this gift called life… All playing our part.

On the stage.

Learning the words as we go; making up the moves… Creating the scenes again and again.

Until the grand finale

When the curtain falls… On this particular play…

From birth to death…To re birth

The show goes on…

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Dear Diary; Teeming With Life and Potential

It’s late on Thursday afternoon, and I have been walking about, along the Kings road again; I walk about a lot now.

In this new phase of life, I like walking… I like journeying somewhere or nowhere.

I have often been happier journeying than arriving; perhaps because there is nowhere to arrive to.

There is no destination

No place to stop

Walking…

I like travelling, the space between; existence, no thought, no thing to say

Journeying…

There is only the inward journey to the centre point of silence  which is teeming with life and creativity… Silent, still, full of potential, awareness and aliveness.

We can experience everything, anything or

No thing 

From here.

This morning I ran intervals on the grass at Battersea Park… I love running fast; intervals can challenge at a very core level, because they ask me to be in the step without thought; and to stay still within the effort, the demand, the power and energy of the step.

Sometimes intervals are too hard

Sometimes life is too hard…

And yet we keep taking the next step – even if we have stopped – the step happens as the world turns… Time as we know it keeps moving and so to do we.

And yet there is no time

There is only now

Time an illusion

There is no time, and so nothing is moving… The real challenge is to be still within the illusion of movement.

Within the journey of this life; and to create from that centre point teeming with life, potential – energy.

Whatever we would like to experience…

In August last year, I experienced doing a handstand again, for the first time in thirty five years. I hadn’t been able to do one for all those years, because of my troublesome left side.

But I wrote it down ( in 2012!) as something I wanted to experience again…

I wonder if anything that I write down, as long as it comes from the core of my being – will happen?

That I will get to experience it in the body….