Dear Diary; Shining Our Light in The World

Anadi (my husband who lives round the corner from me) spent last week in Los Angeles –  well virtually – but it still meant his days didn’t end til the conference ended in LA  – and so we didn’t see much of each other… Especially as his calf is sore and so I also temporarily have lost my running partner! 

But on one of the days we met for a coffee for half an hour, and on Friday he came to chant the Gayatri mantra with me for the Bodhisattva group

We loved it – we both felt we could have chanted for ever… 

I often introduce the chanting meditation by saying how wonderful chanting is – that is helps us to still our body and our mind – that it allows us to connect to the silence within us; our true nature…

It helps us to clear our energetic system and reminds us that we are all born of pure love, pure consciousness and through our unique vibration it is possible to experience ourselves in the world… 

Everything is but an experience and the more we become aware of this and stop believing the vagaries of the mind – we can over time let go of the pain, the darkness, the patterns that play out and block the memory of who we are .

The Gayatri mantra reminds us of the unity of everything, and the multiplicity; and through chanting of it our energy field illuminates and we can shine our own light bright from within. 

If we look around us and feel despair at what we see in the world, and we have no idea how to contribute to change, to transformation and healing in society – we must first look within.

The real difference we make in the world is through shining our own light – experiencing who we truly are – living our ordinary lives in this extraordinary way…

Clearing the way towards liberation has been a lifetime’s practise for me.

Lifetimes and lifetimes – of karma 

I understood about ‘clearing’ at a very young age, perhaps just seven years.

I can review the scene and see the child now…

She is sitting in the wooden slippy pew – vast to her then – with the soft robust hassock under her feet, worn into a nice kneeling bed with much use… It served as a perfect foot rest for the little girl.

She is sitting half listening to the preacher. The church has a musty smell, wafts of the scent from the greenery in generous vases of flowers arranged by the wives of the churchwardens, mingle in.

As his voice rises and falls, she is watching the dust float up in the sunlight that is beaming through stained glass on this particularly sunny Sunday morning…

He has been speaking for a long time; she is letting many of the words float beyond her absorption, over her head and away, when suddenly something he is saying starts to speak to her; deep within her being, her belly, her very soul… He is explaining the circle of birth, life, death and rebirth, and the symbolism of the serpent with the tail in its mouth. He is talking of cleansing from our sins, of eternal life…

Suddenly she becomes aware of this cycle, in a visceral way – round and round and round… Lifetimes and lifetimes of karma and she understands… How to return to the place of pure love, freedom, the godly state within…

And she understands she has work to do.

The preacher is saying that we must clear our own darkness from within to remember who we truly are.

The young girl understands

Nearly fifty five years the words of TS Eliot speak for me

“We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring, Will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time.” 

Dear Diary; This Moment is Perfect

‘The builders are coming on Saturday morning’ Kate my landlady had messaged… And so I was ready and waiting bright and early – for a Saturday 🙂 when Miguel and Elideo arrived to tile and transform my bathroom floor… 

‘Where are the tiles’? Elideo asked – I ran up the steps and knocked on Kate’s door, ‘They’re asking for the tiles’…

‘But the quote included tiles…’

I ran downstairs to my flat again and relayed the message… Elideo showed me his text to Kate – written in Portuguese style English – explaining the quote didn’t include tiles… I could see how the information had got lost in translation…!

Miguel and Elideo planned their next move, B and Q wasn’t open, Leylands was eight miles away – but google located a Wicks just one mile down the road… I phoned Kate… 

‘They’re going to Wicks to get the tiles…’ 

‘Can we have cream‘ she asked

‘We’d like cream tiles please’ – I relayed to Elideo ‘You’d like grey?’ ‘No cream please’ – I pointed to the wall…

Kate arrived at my flat having had time now to shower and dress…

We’d like cream tiles please…’ she re iterated 

Can need money for tiles please’ Elideo asked….   

Between Anadi Kate, her daughter and me, we gathered together £100 in cash and off he went… 

The day was already unfolding in a fun way… I felt I was in situation comedy, all of us were just playing a part, none of us upset or cross

The Zen of being engaged in each moment.

Anadi and I then headed out to allow the work to commence… We made our way up the Kings Road, bought ourselves some breakfast and settled to enjoy it in the Duke of York Square… We sat on the ground, leaning against a wall with the winter sun on our faces…

And watched the world go by around us…

People sitting in their own sun traps, eating – and drinking coffee; I silently admired the beautifully painted red nails of the young man sitting opposite us with his friend, sharing pastries and chocolate tiffin. The man beside us had brought his deck chair, he sun bathed all wrapped up, coffee in hand with his newspaper was spread out all around him… A small boy learning to ride his bike wobbled precariously by – ‘pedal faster faster’ his mother encouraged…

Life in motion

A teenager lit her cigarette – her friend immediately retorted – ‘Don’t do that! Do you want to live to have husband children a mortgage, and not die at 40, if you do – don’t do that!

I laughed, he whirled around ‘You agree?’ 

‘I’m not laughing at what you’re saying’ I said ‘I’m laughing at the way you told the story’…

‘My accent makes everything better’ he laughed and on they went…

Anadi and I sat longer, enjoying watching this particular play on the stage of life…

I was reminded of the author of ‘The Zen of Running ‘ Fred Rohe’s words…
“The joy you are living while dancing your run. You are not running for some future reward-the real reward is now!”

True of the Zen of living too, ‘The joy you are living while dancing your life… you are not living your life for some future reward, the real reward is now… 

Being fully here and now, without looking to an imaged future where we think will find what we are looking for – brings huge rewards.

Anadi and I continued to wander further afield, through Hyde Park with all the other wanderers with nowhere to go and nothing to do, and eventually we wandered home to see my shiny new bathroom all tiled and beautiful

With grey tiles 🙂

When we are here and now, aware of the still point within each breath, aware of the silence within each of us, our life will always emerge from this place, rich in joyous joy…

Every moment unfolding exactly as it should, whether it brings us grey tiles or cream, knowing that this moment is perfect

Dear Diary; Know Thyself

And so we living in a New Year… To anyone who will listen I am singing the song by the band ‘The Who’ from their album ‘Tommy’….

‘Got a feeling ‘Twenty one’ is going to be a good year, especially if you and me see it in together’

The story of Tommy is relevant to us all as we journey through the years… Tommy’s life represents our separation from our real self to believing in the illusory self that we show to the world… But this created self can end up becoming our teacher as we strip back the layers to become aware, and know once more who we truly are…

And come to know ourselves

‘Know Thyself’

Our life is a flash in the enormity of existence, and we are a spark of energy that burns here as a physical incarnation for a short while…
But while we are alight, we have the opportunity to burn brightly.
To integrate and burn away all the stuff within us that is preventing us remembering who we truly are.

‘Know thyself…’

My father often said this to us children while we were growing up.
‘Know thyself darling…’

He was the perfect energy for me to stretch my emotional muscles against…

When I was thirty three years old, I was making life choices and behaving in ways that were part of my own discovery, but that didn’t fit his moral code… He asked that I go and see him, because he wanted to talk to me about ‘my morals and my integrity…’
I didn’t go…! Anger had flashed through me as his request – but Instead we talked on the phone for two hours and I shared more of myself and my life with him… 

It was a good conversation, one of the best I had ever had with him…

By now I reckoned that I knew myself better than I believed he knew me…

Three months later I did go to see him.

We lunched together on his birthday and during the course of our time together he said to me…
‘Darling, I think you are finding yourself….’

And so the very person we might think is crushing us, or disapproving of us, or misunderstanding us, can in truth be the very person who offers us the opportunity for growth, to go within and discover who we truly are.

This land is a make believe land, that we are making up as we go.

Our energy is creating our experience, and as we are in a paradigm of polarity… So if there is any dark in the world that we do not like, that affects us and we react to, whether that is in our own immediate circles, or globally, then our responsibility to to seek where this darkness is within us and own it and bring it forth into the light… 

To be whole we must embrace all that we hide in the shadows… Integrate it, and bring it forth, so that transforms rather than destroys.

This applies to our hidden ‘gold’ too… Sometimes we might react to light in the world, because it is within us, but not yet integrated… Our ‘work’ is to be conscious at all times of the importance of owning our own shadow…

It is only when we have owned/cleared our own shadow, both light and dark, that we can truly experience the consciousness from which we are all ‘born’

And know ourselves…

Light and dark are the polarity in the world we inhabit, a place where we can experience our energy because we are in a human body.

In integrating and clearing our energy, we will find our true self… We will discover ourselves in the silence between thought and in the still point in our breath.
We are so much more than anything we might define ourselves by now, whether that be in light or dark terms…

Know thyself

Dear Diary; Making the Path by Walking it…

Anadi and I spent Christmas Day running and jogging and walking around the Royal Parks of London… With no plan, no path mapped out… The day unfolding in joyous fun.

We had begun it chanting the Gayatri Mantra 108 times, which felt timeless – as if there wasn’t a beginning or end and so the day continued… We packed our skipping ropes and credit cards! Just in case a coffee opportunity arose – and off we went 

Making our path as we walked it….

Antonio Machado is a very famous Spanish poet… His poem ‘Caminante no hay Camino’ – Walker there is no path – inspired me as I ran barefoot across Spain in 2018….’ The poem continues… ‘Se haces el camino al andar’

You make the path by walking it…’

And so this is my life – making my path by walking it – and Christmas Day our metaphor.

Running about and seeing what happened, where we went, who we talked to, where we found a coffee oasis…

Machado goes on to liken our past to standing on a boat – looking behind and watching the wake  disappearing back into the sea… Like it never happened…

This resonated very deeply with me – the past is gone – there is only now – and there is no future… There is only the step we’re in.

It reminded me of my life, wandering about is my favourite thing, or running about!

All exists is this moment. All exists is this step. There is nothing else at all…

And so we stopped near the Albert memorial and fed the squirrels and practised our skipping – Anadi is a lot better than me! 🙂 And people came by and we greeted one another ‘Merry Christmas’ 

Some stopped, two women perhaps nearing 80 years  – ‘Well done’ they said ‘We played tennis this morning and now we’re out for our stroll’… A man in a bright Christmas jumper – with almost more holes than jumper ‘I always like to sit here and read, every day’ he said ‘This jumper is very old’, he continued ‘but it has sentimental value…’

The parks were full of others wandering, making their path by walking it on this Christmas day, 2020 – each moment sacred – never to be experienced again

To be fully here now however, there is often much inner work to be done because all the time we are ‘reacting’ out of the hurts from our past, then we cannot be in the present moment…

And so we must feel these hurts whenever they arise in the experience of now, in order to freely and fully connect to the absolute present… 

And from this place of letting go new impulses, which are not connected to our past patterns and scripts, can emerge from the silence within us.

To connect to our silence, we have much clearing to do and this often entails many paths that seem lead us in a circle! 

And so life an endless paradox, often seems a riddle and an unsolvable puzzle…

But we can keep making our path by walking it – and sometimes happen upon an unexpected coffee shop – open on Christmas Day!

And so this is how we came to be sitting in Marble Arch with the pigeons and other people drinking coffee…

Now.

No riddle to solve, or seemingly unsolvable puzzle, because it’s so is simple, now, while sitting with Anadi on a cold Christmas Day, sipping a coffee…

‘Walker there is no path…’

Dear Diary; Life Goes On

Anadi and I sat outside drinking our coffee on a bright winter Sunday… ‘It feels like summer’ I mused, the sky clear blue and the almost solstice sun warming our faces…

‘It’s always summer where you are beautiful’, Anadi commented – I was immediately reminded of a favourite quote of mine by Albert Camus

‘And in the midst of winter, I found that there was, within me, an invincible summer…’

It resonated with me when I first discovered it – my life’s journey had always been about understanding the challenges, the painful processes that sometimes felt like a cold and unforgiving ‘winter within’ –  and I had come to recognise that the truth of me, the life force from which we are all born was ever present.

The I – the true I – below the ego I that struggled and resisted, the I below the struggle was always there – and so it was that in the midst of winter I found my own invincible summer; and this has sustained me through all the challenges I have since encountered…

I am always aware of it… This life stream, this inner sun, this invincible force, the flame that never goes out.

And it is there within us all, whatever appears to be going on on the outer levels – we can turn inwards to this inner sun, which can warm us and light the way – even when all our plans are disrupted, when change happens and it feels too much to bear.

Turn inwards, and there is the invincible summer… The warmth of the sun burning bright and the happiness you seek outside discovered on the journey to your ease within.

Easy words to write I know, when many people now are experiencing disappointment, separation and distress.

But the inner journey is the way to ease from the dis ease – as the Buddha said 

“There is no path to happiness, happiness is the path”

We had stood the day before – in manufactured sun -beside brightly burning heaters in the rainy Duke of York square, a Jazz band played in the corner and some acrobatic gymnasts performed for us in a created plastic bubble.

There was a buzz of joy, some danced to the jazz band, people wandered about, children zoomed on bikes and the Christmas lights of the Kings road twinkled brightly

Life goes on

A man came up to tie up the huge umbrellas securely – we exchanged greetings, ‘would you like a cranberry in a coat’ – I offered him my ‘packet from Pret’

‘No thanks’, he laughed – ‘but I’d say yes to a brandy and coke…’

Life goes on…

Dear Diary; Practising the Art of Living

The art of running has been a lifelong practice for me.

I remember it all began when I was six years old – I am sixty one years old now – fifty five years have passed and I am still perfecting the art of running… 

The funny thing is that the result of my practise in absolute terms is that after years and years of practising I am getting slower and slower… What a funny thing that is! 🙂

However – I notice that the tension that built as I pushed harder and harder to get faster and faster, has gone and I feel like the child again.

I remember reading a book by Paul Auster, a novelist I enjoyed very much. I read many of his books and in one, an autobiographical story about his father  – he wrote about a man he met in Paris who was a composer. The man was old now and living alone and he composing a symphony so huge that is could never be finished.

He saw this as his connection to God – to the divine – as it wasn’t about achievement or attainment… It was simply his art pouring from him – perfecting it in something that would never be finished and so never could be anything but an expression of his soul in motion…

This spoke to me and I recognised this in my running, which I have practised for so long – only to get slower and slower – that the real purpose has been in the practise and the letting go of seeking achievement… And yet to still practise running to experience freedom in each step and to create my own never ending symphony…

I noticed when I am practicing that the main ingredient necessary to create this symphony is simply that each day I must turn up – each moment I must be there, here…

Every day is new, every day we are creating our life in each moment.

We can practice our own art, we can practice our life, we can hone our skills and it doesn’t matter how long it takes. It doesn’t matter if we are still practicing our skills and honing them and when we come to die, we haven’t ‘arrived’ – because there is nowhere to get to, so we can’t arrive anywhere.

There is only the deepening of the practice, which where possible, needs to be practised without tension. The ultimate is that it is carried out with joy, expressed with clarity, because whatever we are practicing is being communicated out into the world for others to see

Now of course this doesn’t mean that we don’t dare start, because we are aware that our expression and our art cannot be clear and free of tension when we begin…

Because it is in the practicing that we can see where there is tension and stress, and so have the opportunity to clear it away. It is in the practicing that we discover our tension, and our fear, and also where we learn how to free our soul so that it is in motion through the conduit of the physical manifestation…

I have discovered that in practicing running almost every day of my life, that gradually there has been more and more freedom in each step – more Zen…

I have learned how to become the master of my body and my mind; rather than the body and mind controlling ‘me’.

I trained myself to silence my mind firstly, through the practice of putting other things into the mind – so it wasn’t exactly silencing the mind, but it was a route to stillness.

In place of any negative thoughts, I put mantras, for example ‘I love you thank you thank you I love you’ was one of my favourites, as well as ‘I’m sorry please forgive me I love you thank you’ – and there were others at different times ‘Om ma ni pad me hum’ and ‘Nam myoho renge kyo’… To name a few.

Immediately, when I awoke in the morning, if I felt these negative thoughts coming in, I would start the mantra. This meant that straight away a relaxation occurred within my being… I would then get out of bed and begin my daily practice of stretching and strength and balancing exercises… Meanwhile coffee would be brewing in the kitchen, so next I would go and sit and drink coffee.

I didn’t allow any thoughts of ‘I don’t want to go’ or ‘it’s raining’ or ‘it’s cold and dark’ to enter my being… I would instead just enjoy my ‘coffee meditation’ – present to each delightful sip, and would then literally step out of the front door.

One step is all that is needed, and then the next takes care of itself – and the next and the next.

This is why following things that excite us, or interest us, can be wonderful for our growth – to ‘find out’ through the practises…

Practicing is part of life on earth, practicing anything, practicing meditation, practicing, singing, practicing speaking in public, practising art, cooking, computer programming…Whatever we want to practise…

It is always remembering that being still is the ultimate place to practise living from  – being silent – dropping between the thoughts to the place of complete silence…

The practice of stillness and silence is the most vital part of any practice.

If we practice from this place of silence, then our expression is limitless, and there is no attachment to an outcome.

And then our expression is a reflection of our limitless, infinite nature.

Dear Diary; Become a Master of Life

I once went on a professional development course called ‘the social and emotional lives of men who succeed at work’, it was run by a professor who had spent many many years researching his subject.

At the end of the first day I called my sister Rosy…‘We were brought up like boys’ I announced laughingly to her…

One of the things that supported this revelation was that our father taught us to shoot coca cola cans with an air rifle positioned at the end of our front lawn some 30 or 40 metres away! He also taught us to shadow box and to fall well – of which I’ve been very grateful – relaxing when there is the realisation that the fall cannot be stopped, has saved me breaking bones in dramatic tumbles over the years whilst out running.

As Anadi and I run through the parks we often see ‘boxing practise’ happening – sparring, training and general moves to perfect the art… Skipping an integral part of the practise – expertly done – smooth, light, nimble, agile…

‘I’d love to to do that’ I have often said as we run by….

Then a week ago Anadi appeared on Saturday morning with a gift for me….Beautiful purple boxing gloves and some practise pads!

So far I have had four teaching sessions, under Anadi’s instruction – I am loving my new practise!

And then I ordered the skipping ropes too, which arrived in a flash and so now I am learning to box, and to skip again for no reason; just because I saw it being practised in the park, and it called to me…

‘I’d love to do that’ My spirit called out…

It wanted to engage in the process of learning that art through this body of mine…’

Our whole life a process… A journey from our birth to our death.

While we’re here on planet earth in a body, anything we might undertake – any endeavour – is an opportunity to become connected to and understand ourselves – to know and remember our essential self.

All learning is to find out what, at the deepest level, we already know – the level of our most profound self…

So whatever we are attracted to – wherever we would like to develop new skills, to get better at something, to master it… We have the opportunity to become a master of life…

Becoming a master of life can then lead to becoming a master of letting go of this life, and all the attainments and achievements – and become the master of learning to die well.

If we live well, in each moment, then we can die well too.

This can only be experienced through practice…

Everything can be achieved through practice. But to fully ‘achieve’ things with Zen – being here and now – we must experience everything fully.

Of course there will be some things in our own unique energetic body, that we are more naturally inclined towards and when we practice them, the expression that emerges might be more expansive, more colourful, more bright, more fast, more tuneful… A higher level in terms of how we measure things on planet earth – than someone else…

But the secret is to value who we are and the expression of ourselves, without comparison to others…

We might be inspired by the achievements and expressions of others – but it is important that we do not compare ourselves in any negative way for this is painful for the spirit and holds up our journey here, and misses the point…

If we are attracted to perfect a skill – there need be no comparison to another person or another expression of the same thing!

We are all unique and whatever our own expression on planet earth, in whatever endeavour we want to undertake, it is unique and valuable.

What is important is the practice.

The practice of our art… What is important is to discover ourselves within the process, to see and experience our own light and our own unique colour… To share ourselves and to be generous with our energy.

And so it has come to pass that I am practising how to skip again, and learning the art of fighting…! 

Dear Diary;Love Because Love is What You Are

I had never been so close to swans before.

They’re so tall… When they stretch their necks, so tall.

I loved them.

‘I have a relationship with them now’, I said to Anadi… We were so close, they took bread from my hands (I was glad of my gloves!) in their big strong beaks and I felt such love for these creatures that came to me for food… But that didn’t matter, I was close to them and I loved them. I didn’t need them to love me back, or want me for anything other than the food I held in my hands!

I was happy to be near them.

Like the squirrels and the birds and the parakeets… So honest and transparent and true… Like we all are really; if we just dropped all the masks and the pretence and stopped looking for love – for approval, for validation, for recognition…

And instead turned inwards to love ourselves so completely, to accept ourselves, to become whole again and return to our innocence.

Our true nature, and to know that is love.

We are love.

It so easy to love a baby, a toddler a little child, a kitten a dog a horse – a sweet wild squirrel that climbs up your leg…! Because they are true, relaxed, themselves – not trying to do anything or be anything… 

Other than be themselves.

But – so often we were not accepted as little children for the way we were – but instead were shaped to the ways of others…

And so the pain began, the journey away from love.

And the quest to start looking for it all over again outside ourselves, when it is there within us all the time. 

But while we search and search, ‘the other’ can serve as the mirror – and often a magnifying class when the relating is closer and deeper – for us to see where we have become separate from our 

Self

And so we can become whole again through this outward journey when we learn again to look within… And discover that instead of love being about wanting the other to love us, instead love becomes about loving because it is fun to give love, to share love…

Whether it is a swan a squirrel the person you pass in the street – or buy your coffee from in the morning – or your partner or child or best friend or not

Love because love is what you are.

True love is without ego

True love is freedom

‘Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself you have built against it’ Rumi

Dear Diary; Multiplicity and Unity

Anadi and I spent last weekend walking about, walking and walking, and talking and not talking…

Through the parks and streets of London Town… Walking and watching and being with the crowds of other people, who were walking and talking too… Runners running and cyclists whizzing by… ‘I  reckon 2021 is going to be my best season ever…!’

People meandering by… ‘He had to marry me, if I’d found out what he was like, I’d have left – so he had to marry me to make me stay… ‘

Catching snippets of conversation… 

‘We’d only been dating for two weeks, what the f…k

People sitting on park benches, and gathered in little groups, some leaning against a wall on the pavement, the bright sunlight warming their faces … Eating pizzas and pastries, clutching cups of coffee and hot chocolate – one picnic with Prosecco in proper wine glasses…

All of us united by experiencing this life, this day, this time in history… 2020 babies will be known, like war babies and baby boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and now we are in a new era …

But there is no separation between me and thee, whenever and wherever we were born into this world…You and I 

If we remember this, even when it isn’t yet the experience – then it is easier to remember to be mindful

In each moment

Of what we put into the space between

This space that separates and divides – that is an illusion

Because there is a oneness to us all…

Consciousness experiencing itself…

Whenever we were born, whatever we think – what belief we hold, what opinion we like to express… We are much more than the thoughts we think, the words we speak, the roles we play, the identity we often cling to so firmly and rigidly…

When we remember that this illusion of light and dark, of good and bad, of unity and divide is an illusion… Then even if everything seems so real, so up or down, so good or bad, so happy or sad, so harmonious and then disharmonious – from one moment to the next… 

If we keep remembering that we are one

You and I…

‘I am that I am’

The I of God, of consciousness, of Love from which we all came – the Am that is the experience of all that is… I Am

Existence 

We all are 

I Am

Then the separateness that created the I that feels separate, rather than the I that is the consciousness within and without, the Love within and without, can remember that we are all one

And eventually the illusion of separation vanishes 

And we experience our unity

Our infinite awareness.

We come home to our self

Our true essence which is always witnessing the play out of our energy

In the mirror of everyone and everything – and we can rest in this mirror like awareness… Rather than feeling there is ‘us and them’, or ‘me against a hostile world’ – instead we can  experience the unity within us – the unity within the multiplicity of this existence

On the place we call planet Earth

Dear Diary; Life is to be Lived

Richmond Park in autumn, brown green red leaves, green grass, green parakeets – and people… Cycling, walking, wandering people – dogs bounding about in the watery yellow November sun…

We had woken late on Sunday and made our way to a coffee shop for breakfast… Carrying our cups of steaming coffee and paper bag with pastries in, we had found a spot on the pavement where the sun shone bright – we basked there like lizards – enjoying the warmth of the almost winter rays on our faces … The day before has seen us breakfasting instead on a bench in the rain – we had huddled on one under the covering of a building!

We then found our way to Wimbledon common and ran about for awhile on the expansive verdant grass, following a route along beside the golf course, and then through the woods, we crossed the road to Richmond Park…

I ran there first forty years ago, no path carved as there is today; back then we found our way around the outside, climbing over fallen trees and running on paths made by the deer and other runners… I was twenty one and a half years young – hardly begun.

Now the route is clear and ordered but still the wildness remains, the raw beauty, nature abundant with crackly autumn all about.

A dog splashed into the water beside us

We laughed 

And on we ran… I am sixty one and a half years young now – hardly begun.

Every new day dawning as if it were the first one ever

To be lived… It is the first one ever, there is no other like this one… I like to run with no purpose now; like the child I was when I first begun – to run – for fun – for the joy of each step…

Of course in truth, even when I picked up ‘purpose’ – there never was – but I thought there was…

Miles to be logged

Times recorded

Journeying to a race, and then another and another…

With purpose… And I discovered so much in this purpose – about my self – and about how to let go… So that now once more there is none…I have journeyed in a circle, and now it looks very much the same, this life of mine.

I go running – but instead of logging the miles and recording the times

I don’t… 

The running step revealed to me so much, the purposes I followed showed me the way back to my self – to run to become.

And so it is…

Whatever path we are treading is our own to tread

There is no one way to truth, no authority can lead us there…

Every person must find their own way

The purpose of life is to live it

With a purpose or without

To live

Life is for the living

Life is to be lived