Dear Diary; A Light unto Ourself

As we ran adventuring through the parks Anadi and I passed a table tennis competition – both players were focused and engaged while cars zoomed all around.

Marble Arch rose above them …

Police in cars, and some more in groups on foot gathered there too…. We made up the two were unrelated…. But who knows?

It was like running through a scene in a dream with seemingly unrelated connected events all happening at once…

Life…!

Further on we encountered a group of people congregating by a pushbike with a big poster stuck onto it heralded a meeting about the politics of freedom of speech… We stopped to watch a bit and enquire as to what was happening, but they were unforthcoming about their plans…

On we ran.

Big white tents were being erected in Horse guards parade and big vans were parked there too… Large cameras stood dormant, covered with plastic.

We asked the lady on the gate what was happening…

‘They’re filming an event to celebrate VJ Day … It will go out on August 15th’ – she told us. We chatted with her awhile and told her about the events in Hyde Park… ‘You’re running’? she asked; ‘Well, we’re on an outing really’, I replied…

‘With time to stop and chat to people like you’ – Anadi laughed…‘And time for a coffee break too’, I added…

Fortnum and masons doors were open; the interior beauteous to behold… We stood in the doorway awhile gazing at the sumptuous fare set in its luxurious ornate world…

The woman on duty at the entrance invited us to go in and take a proper look, but in shorts and vest we said we were a bit sweaty and not really dressed for it!

So on we ran

To Sloane Square.

Where we sat for awhile and I made a little video, remembering times gone by, sitting right here…

It never happened

Just a story now

And I am the same

But oh so different

Time that doesn’t exist has leant me the opportunity to reflect and clear and shift and return to my true self, and to always allow time in this perceived real world to be with just me….

And let go further of the me

That doesn’t exist…

This world where everything we engage in is a chimera in comparison to the truth of who we are…

Meditation

Our own space

Our own silence

To experience who we truly are

To be a light unto ourself

Alone 

Dear Dairy; Let go, Now

It’s funny really, when I think of how many words I write about my life, when I do the same thing.

Day after day

Everything the same

I run, I write, I spend time with Anadi,  I work with my clients

And I drink coffee, too…

And when I am resting, I don’t really do anything.

I don’t watch television, I don’t even listen to music ( I used to when I had a car; in the car!)

When the theatres and cinemas are open, and the restaurants too…I enjoy those things.

But,

I like doing nothing, no thing at all

I like silence, to be silent, no talking, no sound around me

I like being alone

I like being

Alone


We are all alone really and truly, we came into this incarnation alone and we leave alone.

I remember reading the words of Rumi, about twenty years ago, I was forty one years old…

‘Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense’.

And I didn’t like the idea of ‘each other’ not making any sense then.

I felt a slight discomfort, a feeling of distress…

‘Each other’ having been my lifelong quest, love, togetherness – each other.

But I felt the truth of the words.

And so I knew there was more work to be done…

More journeying

To learn to be alone

And to know that field

To lie down in it and be free, to understand that ideas and language are just that, ideas and language and that the world is too full to talk about.

And so I make another cup of coffee and sit silently, sipping the black liquid, a place of meditation for me for so many years.

And I let go

Of all the pressure to do more, to be more, to have more.

And I understand in each sip, the one realisation 

The years and years and years of seeking, distill into now…

One sip, one moment

Now

This is all it takes, now, and now, and now

Our realisation, our freedom. all arise in an instant

Now

We are all free

We simply need to know this, see this

And let go

Now 

Dear Diary; Alive with Aliveness

Rising up to our self requires simply silence – and letting go.

To fully live we let go.

Into meditation and mindfulness, and we remember that we have always been free

But there is no rush

No need to make meditation another thing to do

Simply an orientation

A steady daily practise.

To be quiet and remember who you truly are.

When we are free of the past, and full of presence in the here and now, we can use our conscious mind to its full potential.

Only five or ten percent is generally in use; our actions mainly arising from programming and patterning.

Deep seated beliefs and ideas; stories programmed in, embedded so strongly… Emotional responses coming from a childhood past that some barely remembered…

Never here

Always there.

And so stop

Be still

Be here

Let go of all the thoughts.

Let go

And experience the vastness of the soft milky void of silence, alive with aliveness! 

Dear Diary; Creativity in motion

Yesterday morning I woke early; I cleaned my flat – in my pants…! 

Then put my running kit on, and by 8am, everything was all sparkly clean and I was all ready to run…

At the moment, I have no running  goals, no races that I am aiming for – But I like to run – for fun, for fitness.

My creative expression…

I stepped out of the door, no real plan in mind – not even a route.

I turned up…

In front of my own blank Saturday morning canvas

I also had no real plan for my ‘Conversations with a Bodhisattva’ group.

Where I intend to show up every day for a year – at least – to see what happens…

With my creative flow…

Where will it go?

Me in motion – my canvas….. The roads, the parks, the globe…

The video camera and the blank blog page…

Even when we are not sure – turn up at the page

Even when we are afraid – turn up at the page

Even when we have nothing to say – turn up at the page

Even when we don’t want to – turn up at the page

Because magic can happen in the act off stepping out of the door, up to the easel, to the kitchen to cook; to the piano to sing…

A space of finding out…

If we want to aim for the stars, run a race, create a home, a meal, a symphony, a song, pass an exam, change the shape of our body, learn a language 

We need to turn up…

And in turning up, we can explore what it is we might want… Investigate it more deeply, open the door to our dreams…

And while we are there look for where there are blocks, the incongruencies, the hold ups…

We want to start the day running – but we love to lie in bed

We want to be slimmer, but we so love to eat

We want to pass an exam, but prefer to meet friends than revise…

All of this must be brought from the shadows, into the light

In the light we can we work it all out; integrate it and we are set free

To plan the next stage… 
How do we do this dream? What do we need…?

To reach for our own star….

The plan unfolds… The journey has begun; we must give ourselves time – and relax in each step

Remember to breathe – and find the silence in the breath, stay in each step as we make our way to our goal….

Turn up each day with or without a spring in our step – a space in our heart to find out; to unravel; to turn this way and that …

To discover things we never knew about ourselves, about life, about others.

To uncover latent talents, inner strengths.

To learn new skills..

As our creativity flows…. And then the goal – whether we reach it or not – has served its purpose…

Our creativity spilling out

Us in motion each day

The blank canvas alive – with our energy and light.

Dear Diary; Flying on Land

Every morning I open the front door and step outside and go running about, along the roads, in the parks, by the side of the river…

I like running about; with no plan, no where to go or reason to be doing it.

When I was young I liked this too – in fact I liked two things a lot… I liked running as fast as I could on grass, racing along – like the wind…

Flying on land…

And I liked going a long way… Setting off on adventures, walking or running for miles, and often getting lost!

Many years years later, I still like these two things a lot… Running as fast as I can on grass, racing along – like the wind – flying on land; and I like going a long way.

I like to journey for the sake of journeying 

I like  going running for the sake of running

I like living life for the sake of living – Life an adventure

Life as an experience – no where to ‘get to’

So much of a life can be spent trying to ‘get there’… To the end of exams, and then to the end of more exams, and then to get a job and then to get a better one… Always trying to ‘get somewhere’ –  and then off again…

Now there is nothing wrong at all with stretching towards a goal, to accomplish something is wonderful.

But more wonderful and fun than trying to arrive – is to be journeying towards the goal in the moment.

Relaxed and free… One step at a time towards the goal, fully present… The Zen of achievement – a sort of oxymoron!

Being on planet earth lends itself to creating a life, sharing our existence and achieving things and creating a reality that we can enjoy.

Creating experiences…

But it is far more fun to fully experience the experiences; to be here and now in whatever we are doing…

Experiencing…

The Zen of exam revision

The Zen of art and music

The Zen of learning a new skill

The Zen of stretching to get fitter stronger

The Zen of making more money

The Zen of building a new home

The Zen of running….

The Zen of life in each moment