Dear Diary; Weeping Willow

I loved drawing and painting as a child, as many of us did… My friend Wends and I would plan ‘painting days’ during the holidays

I loved creating for my O level art and A level too…

On leaving school I worked for my running coach in the health and fitness business… I was on the verge of becoming an international athlete and so working for him seemed a way to support this journey…

I painted murals all over the walls of his gym

Athletes in motion from all different sports.

We moved a new property

It was huge!

Vast expanse of white walls my new canvasses –  more figures appeared, leaping jumping running throwing  – Lifesize – I loved creating these figures…

And then came my last piece.

A willow tree

It covered a whole wall in the relaxation area of the centre.

I cried all day one day, as I painted this willow, weeping with me.

My heart had broken, and as I cried and painted I promised myself that never ever ever would I let this happen to me ever again… Never again ‘would someone do this to me…’

It took me many years to heal the hurt within and open from the inside out

To stop looking outside for the healing or for more hurting.

I knew the inner journey was the route

But I still had to journey the journey in the so called outer realms and discover the long way round…

I had to live and learn through my own experiences, my own mistakes, my own life 

The cry the tears that lead to healing the hurt…

Another thing happened that day, when I finished weeping and the willow was etched on the wall – I stopped doing any art.

And I never ever started again.

Until now.

Whenever I work with on the phone ( rather than a video call)  I have always doodled… Recently the doodles have become more and more colourful and expansive.

I showed my client what had emerged during our conversation… ‘Why don’t you do those in a book’? She suggested

And so now I have my art book ! 

Full of colourful abstract pictures – it looks a little bit like my O level art…

But now, there is no reason at all, other than the joy of expression, the vitality of life  


Us in motion

On the canvass of life

Dear Diary; A Higher Level of Consciousness

If we want to see change in the world…

Our responsibility is to effect and be that change…

Practical implementation, an essential part of that change – of course… But for social transformation, our part is in our own individual transformation…

We must be that change.

By raising our level of consciousness in every moment; moment by moment by moment.

Every single moment, never ceasing in our awareness…

Can we always, with each breath we take, be kind, clear, non reactive –  with the thoughts that flow from us always loving ones… ? If we cannot do this, and often we only have to look across at our own families to find we cannot – then there is work to be done…

As Ram Dass, the spiritual teacher said  ‘ if you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family…’ 

Walking in the park on a lovely sunny evening;  Anadi and I heard two young women – walking too – talking, not very kindly, about another; snippets of conversation… Disregard, dislike distrust often prevalent.

Observation is very different to criticism, and only we truly in hearts know the difference….

For true global evolution, all must be cleansed from within our own hearts…

By going within and not looking out – at the other. ‘Their fault, they are to blame…’

Instead look within…

‘Where am I cutting off love to those in front of me? And so cutting off love to myself’…Our own inner work driving the social change is the change that will change the world. 

Raise consciousness… Deepen the healing


And so without…

Energy playing out, in an ever repeating cycle…

Until we are still; and see beyond the madness of this samsara 

This duality

This dark and light

And find the silence in our hearts; and feel the love which heals the world

Infinite love