Dear Diary; Letting Go of Everything

As we enter the month of May again today, I am reminded of last year…

6.30am May 12th 2019… My 60th birthday, became my re birth day.

Are you ready to die? 

It seemed to me that this question was asked of me that day…. Was May 12th to become my death day too?

Are you ready to leave your body, to leave your mind, to leave everything that you have created here. Your work, your running, your friends, your family….?

Are you ready to leave this life Julia?

It can happen to any of us in in one minute, one second. That our life is done. 

We are transient beings experiencing an incarnation; here to do whatever we do.

It won’t be any other way

Our karma playing out, lifetime after lifetime, our energy creating and re creating…

And so often we forget we are born of consciousness until we remember…. A spark of light opens in our being, and we remember who we truly are, even if only for one flash

Often then we forget again – close the curtains of awareness and sink back into what we knew… With no thoughts of our eternal spirit .

I woke up at 6.30am – exactly twelve hours short of the hour of my birth, sixty years previously.

‘Something is really wrong with my body’ I said to Anadi; everything was spinning at great velocity and I felt very sick…. I wanted to get to the bathroom… Anadi helped me  weave my way there; and then I slithered to the floor.

On collapsing I left my body. My spirit flew. I was off, and fully conscious of the flight I was making. Into the vast silence. I was without mind or body, but I was aware and alive. There was complete silence.

Freedom. I had let go of everything I knew about my self on planet earth – even my body. 

But I was still aware…And I was zooming at great velocity in the expansive space towards a dot ahead of me in the distance….

I had let go of everything.

Anadi thought that I was dying. He started to prepare himself…I had breathed out in a strange way, and my body ran with more sweat that he had ever seen a body pour…

He went back into the bedroom and called for help…When he returned, he knelt beside me and called the name he calls me, over and over…

‘Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful….’

Eventually I  heard him calling and I came back into my body.

‘I’ve been somewhere’ I said… ‘Wouldn’t it have been symmetrical to die on my birthday’!

But I didn’t die on my 60th birthday

Instead I was re born. 

I lay on the bathroom floor, at the beginning of my new life.

I couldn’t move… After two hours on the floor, Michael and Emily the ambulance team were able to stretcher me out to a waiting ambulance.

No one knows what happened that day. Why my body fell to the floor… Vertigo and a virus perhaps in medical terms?

But my spirit took the chance to fly free. To show me the way

To demonstrate what I knew all along; had been working with all my life…

That we are not who we perceive ourselves to be; we are not our mind or our body.

We are infinite awareness, consciousness…

We are spiritual beings on a human journey

Born of infinite love